My Random Notes

these days move into months
and I still find you here
stuck to my soul
seems unfair to be so far
and still find you here
so close to my heart

found very late
as lovers often do

and I wish you could turn
this heart of mine to song
and carry it with you, all yours
a matching tune
so perfectly together
oh the things we would sing
and be unafraid
of the eyes that pervade
and invade the things we could be

if it could set you free
so you could be
all you
and I could find you complete
away from shame and guilt
and those words that pull you under

to walk with you
outside of a secret
and not have to hide
all the things we truly are

years are far too precious to waste
dragging out all the things you’ve failed
trying to be someone you’re not
and searching for things that don’t exist

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when darkness surrounds
and my heart can’t be found
will you give up on me
will you turn your back
and say all is lost
if confusion and doubt
break into my weary mind
will your light shine through
and tell me how to find
a way to keep on
to stay in the game

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sadly lay your head
and I will mine
gently flow the tears
that flood my mind
follow the paths that lead to nowhere
listen to the voices you cannot hear
confusion drowns the changing thoughts
while grief takes over when all is lost
sadly lay your head
and I will mine
gently flow the tears
that flood my mind
sing sweet songs to the ones who are lost
find out your way no matter the cost
fight all the battles that rage in your mind
wipe away the tears that once made you blind
no more lays the head
that’s full of grief
no more flow the tears
without relief
look towards a day when you can see
that the troubles today will make you free
walk all the miles to a brand new day
live out your life in every way

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I found some interesting journal type things from back in the day and thought I would post them in my notes for fun… enjoy

Technorati Tags: angst, diary, emotion, feeling, hurt, journal, life, love, notes, pain, people, questions, random notes, random poetry, random things, random writings, relationship, write, writing

After taking a long break from blogging, I’ve returned to view my website and see how it is doing.

It’s funny when I look back at some of the things I’ve written… my notes, things about my life and whatever I have been going through at certain points… sometimes I think it was so silly how I felt about things or what I was worried about.

I hope that what I’m going through at the moment becomes one of those times. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to release someone knowing that you really couldn’t live without them and if you couldn’t be with them, then things would get scary. I always thought that if a man and woman really loved each other, then they could go through anything together, supporting each other and sharing in the struggle. I’m learning that life sometimes throws things in your path that you would never have expected. Sometimes those things need to be handled in more creative ways. And just when I think I have everything figured out, things get flipped up-side-down… over and over again… maybe I should learn to expect the unexpected. However, one of the biggest things I struggle with at the moment is patience to wait through these uncertainties.

I hope that soon I can look back at this post and think how silly I am to be anxious about these things.

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As this week has been full of sunshine and clear blue skies, my mind has been allowed to wander towards thoughts of green grass, warm breezes and tanned skin. Now, the chilly night air reminds me not to get my hopes up too soon as summer in England tends to creep up and hit on random days when you least expect it, then disappear as quickly as it came. However, the mellow spring sun has turned my mind towards a lighter wardrobe and as such, I’ve realized that I can’t really foresee a time in my life that I will ever wear shorts again. This fairly simple revelation came to me earlier today, but it kind of took me by surprise. Sometimes it’s those little thoughts that impact me the most. I’ve come to an age where wearing shorts is pretty much inconceivable. I doubt my legs will ever be as skinny and toned as they were when I was 12, and the cellulite that I’ve had for as long as I can remember has no chance of ever disappearing. Be that as it may, for some reason wearing skirts seems fine, probably because skirts look better at the length that shorts begin to look cheesy and “mom-like.”

So, I’ll now come to terms with the fact that the buying and wearing of shorts is no longer in my future. I think I made my peace with skorts many years ago, so we won’t even go there.

Technorati Tags: atmosphere, attire, cellulite, clothes, fat, legs, outside, people, play, silly, skirt, summertime, sun, thick legs, walking, wearing