My Random Notes

these days move into months
and I still find you here
stuck to my soul
seems unfair to be so far
and still find you here
so close to my heart

found very late
as lovers often do

and I wish you could turn
this heart of mine to song
and carry it with you, all yours
a matching tune
so perfectly together
oh the things we would sing
and be unafraid
of the eyes that pervade
and invade the things we could be

if it could set you free
so you could be
all you
and I could find you complete
away from shame and guilt
and those words that pull you under

to walk with you
outside of a secret
and not have to hide
all the things we truly are

years are far too precious to waste
dragging out all the things you’ve failed
trying to be someone you’re not
and searching for things that don’t exist

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when darkness surrounds
and my heart can’t be found
will you give up on me
will you turn your back
and say all is lost
if confusion and doubt
break into my weary mind
will your light shine through
and tell me how to find
a way to keep on
to stay in the game

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sadly lay your head
and I will mine
gently flow the tears
that flood my mind
follow the paths that lead to nowhere
listen to the voices you cannot hear
confusion drowns the changing thoughts
while grief takes over when all is lost
sadly lay your head
and I will mine
gently flow the tears
that flood my mind
sing sweet songs to the ones who are lost
find out your way no matter the cost
fight all the battles that rage in your mind
wipe away the tears that once made you blind
no more lays the head
that’s full of grief
no more flow the tears
without relief
look towards a day when you can see
that the troubles today will make you free
walk all the miles to a brand new day
live out your life in every way

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I found some interesting journal type things from back in the day and thought I would post them in my notes for fun… enjoy

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After taking a long break from blogging, I’ve returned to view my website and see how it is doing.

It’s funny when I look back at some of the things I’ve written… my notes, things about my life and whatever I have been going through at certain points… sometimes I think it was so silly how I felt about things or what I was worried about.

I hope that what I’m going through at the moment becomes one of those times. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to release someone knowing that you really couldn’t live without them and if you couldn’t be with them, then things would get scary. I always thought that if a man and woman really loved each other, then they could go through anything together, supporting each other and sharing in the struggle. I’m learning that life sometimes throws things in your path that you would never have expected. Sometimes those things need to be handled in more creative ways. And just when I think I have everything figured out, things get flipped up-side-down… over and over again… maybe I should learn to expect the unexpected. However, one of the biggest things I struggle with at the moment is patience to wait through these uncertainties.

I hope that soon I can look back at this post and think how silly I am to be anxious about these things.

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can’t put words to so many questions
the perfection of you is marred
by so much insecurity
your if’s are more than I can comprehend
clouds pass and some are here to stay
but how to discern

can I say what’s in my heart
will it just confuse and hurt
expectations drown in blurs of tears
haunted by each other’s words
don’t want to regret leaving a mark
am I just waiting for a broken heart
but I’ll crawl into your arms again
hold me and tonight will last forever

Technorati Tags: angst, emotion, feeling, heart, hurt, life, love, mystery, pain, questions, random notes, random poetry, random things, random writings, relationship, write

if you say that house was built on love
then I’d shake it to the ground
foundations scream from beneath the ruins
and I’ll break every door and window
that you meticulously built

you don’t know what it means
and maybe we never will
so don’t put it on my shoulders

no words can make it justified
and you can’t hold my conviction
there’s always a bad guy, they say
someone has to take the blame
so will it always be me
every time around

Technorati Tags: angst, emotion, feeling, random notes, random poetry, random things, random writings, write

where do birds go
when concrete and stone grow out of control
when steel and glass reach to the sky
crawling ever higher
when wind, rain and bitter cold eat at the shell
turning all to rubble and dust
when smoke and exhaust cloud the sky
no blue can be seen, no green can be found

where does my heart go
when the sun hides it’s light
when it’s rays leave brittle grey sky
where can my eyes turn friendly and my feet slow their pace

Technorati Tags: emotion, feeling, random notes, random poetry, random things, random writings, write

if you could see my hands
would the blood run them clean
when all you see is innocence
and all I see is confusion
mistakes are all I’ve ever known
but I’m tired of everything right

and I wish I could fly
but you’re my only wings
people come and people go
but you remain my constant

the days that turn into months I wait
feigning my patient heart
and I wish you unburdened in every way
but there’s nothing I could take

your pain and stress are yours alone
and I have my own to bear

I seem to ask so much of you
but all I want is all of you
this thing unshakable
just can’t give you up

-unshakable (Monday, October 13 at 6:58pm)

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watching you in an angry sea
the waves of your life crashing into my heart
anguished moments when you disappear
this heart beat grows with every anxious second

as the hours slip out of our hands
those chances passing and not returning
fingers grasp for stolen moments
too far to reach
voices fade like airport announcements
you captured this part of me
but I don’t want it back
so now you have all of me

and I’ll seize your heart
take it far across my sea
bury you down on a sandy shore
until you’re ready to arise

-next (Monday, October 6 at 6:42pm)

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