found very late
as lovers often do

and I wish you could turn
this heart of mine to song
and carry it with you, all yours
a matching tune
so perfectly together
oh the things we would sing
and be unafraid
of the eyes that pervade
and invade the things we could be

if it could set you free
so you could be
all you
and I could find you complete
away from shame and guilt
and those words that pull you under

to walk with you
outside of a secret
and not have to hide
all the things we truly are

years are far too precious to waste
dragging out all the things you’ve failed
trying to be someone you’re not
and searching for things that don’t exist

Technorati Tags: angst, emotion, feeling, heart, hurt, journal, life, love, mystery, notes, pain, people, questions, random notes, random poetry, random things, random writings, relationship, write, writing

and now the result
is haunting each day
and the years of neglect
cause you to force your attention
but what hurts most of all
is the way you show you care

the choices you make
and the way you use your words
you know the buttons to push
to make everything worse
you try to make things all right
and take back the cold words
but they fall on the ground
and prove the things you don’t feel

words drip manipulation
maybe you don’t mean it that way
but you dredge up the guilt
to build that picture in your head
you’re so desperate not to lose

you’ll find no battle here
no games that we’re in
cause I know my place is secure
and my mind is all clear

if guilt drags you under
I’ll reach out my hand
I can’t help but try to save you
because that is who I am

I only want the best for us all
so I can’t sit far from you
to watch you take anything less

how can you know
looking from the outside
maybe it all seems so simple
from that place where you stand

your life is all sorted
and now it’s so easy
to solve everything for me

how do you take advice
from someone who doesn’t know
who’s never experienced
what it’s like in my shoes

these feelings are mine
this time is my own
I have lessons to learn
don’t try to cut these things short

cause you think I’m so sad
sitting where I’m supposed to be
but you don’t have a clue
how this pain mingles with hope

you don’t like seeing me hurt
so look away cause this is life

and I would rather have pain
a slowly unfolding story
than a quick fix situation
and nothing left to show in the end

and I can hear your voice
so wonderful and clear
saying all the right things
coming from your perfect lips
but far like a dream
that I can’t quite reach
homesick for your touch
and all that’s left is
I miss you

the best thing for me
is being next to you
and letting go was never easy
when you seem to be perfection
but in freedom is the answer

disappointment and pain
find healing and life
when the sweetest smell of hope
is singing in the wind
and all goes right

“If two people love each other, but they just can’t seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?… never, never.” -The Mexican

“All men dream; but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out otheir dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” -T.E. Lawrence

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” -Oscar Wilde

“This is my one and only life. It is a great and terrible and short and endless thing.” -Hilary Swank (from some movie)

“There are always a million reasons not to do something… You gotta take a chance on something sometime.” -The Office (US)

“we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us” -the Office (US)

“Immature love is wanting someone to be happy, but just with you. Mature love is wanting them to be happy, full stop.” -Reba

“Nothing in life that’s worth having comes easy” -Dr Kelso, Scrubs

“The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.” -Almost Famous

keep crawling for daylight
even when the hour’s dim
and this mess of your confusion
fills your weary mind
with sleeplessness and depression

it’s not your imagination
causing all the complications
but we can’t change who we are
or cut out love from our hearts

if I knew you so long before
would it be enough to save you

and if it wasn’t about me
would those pieces really fit
cause I don’t see you being happy
when you’re living life that way

is it really what you want
to give your life for guilt and shame
does it bring you honour now
to give up those beautiful dreams

he talks in riddles still
and who has ears to hear
what he really wants to say
would you be so brave to listen
and not pour out condemnation
or push aside another way

somehow it’s your decision
cause our lives are in your hands
so let your heart be soft
and your logic lead the way
it’s far too much to risk
wishing for what has now ceased to exist

the lines left on our cheeks
where the hurt’s been too great
the pain hot and steady
and tears have no idea
the depth from which they grow

but I’ll follow us through
every up and every down
cause those goodbye songs
never quite seem to fit us

the truth takes it’s time
to weave it’s way
around our hearts
gently to speak
words we need to know
and the light of a path
a slow growing realisation
a common ground of understanding

it’s saying something true
that you may not want to hear
cause you sit there longing for love
but too afraid to let go
it’s holding you back
to think it never may exist
but don’t go on cursing your life
ruining happiness for security

we all have our part to play
so what will ours be

believe what you want
and say what you will
my heart knows it’s true way
and won’t play silly games
the future is far
and slow and uncertain
so I’ll wait knowing not
any answer, any outcome

if our lives are now cursed
then still my hands are tied

we’re caught in the middle
of a choice we don’t have

I’m not the threat you feel
so let’s let go of our plans

if we all give up now
then regret brings us down

where’s the point of conclusion
or a path we can take

what compromise to give
so we can do what we should
if it takes us away
from being who we should

I’ll not lose myself
holding what isn’t mine
but I couldn’t let go
of what’s given to me

who’s decision is this
and who holds the power

we don’t have the right answer
cause our perspectives are skewed

so we walk on insecurities
and unknown plans in the air

if clarity is sought for
are we too scared to ask

for answers to questions
that can ruin all those plans

we stirred up love before we should
the fire still burning bright
those waves cannot quench it
and time won’t erase
we must lock up our hearts
and so we won’t feel the pain
walk the plank in darkness
let the cold make you numb
drop the box of our hopes
let it sink with our dreams
deep down to the sea

it will burn underwater
out of sight and out of mind
some day we’ll find out
if the void it will leave
brings decay or delusion
and peace or suffering

those choices seem so permanent
and another life, so far away
will you try to keep on
even if it doesn’t work
no matter how much you’re feeling it hurt

maybe you couldn’t face that cut
but will becoming half a life
be worth this sacrifice

so keep going down this road
cause it’s the one you’re meant to travel
but if you find you’re not in your best
then don’t hesitate to wonder
if the choices we’ve made now
are only meant to last a while

here I hesitate to write
cause you haven’t seen my heart
and I don’t question what you know
or what you feel is right
just take time to consider
that I’m thinking about our best
cause perspectives can always change
once you have what you think you want

so I open my hands to give it all back
the time came for you to take first place
it’s scary and uncertain now
but all I know for sure
is you have my best
and you won’t let me fall

there’s more to this than we can express
but I can’t leave till I know for sure
whether or not I’ve passed the test

maybe we’ve more in common than we know
because distractions only grow this pain
and my dam breaks at the end of every day
hot rivers flow on icy sheets
as sadness leaks from lonely cheeks
and I wonder how it’s been for you

so I’ll lock my heart away
cause it only beats for you
let it wait for maybe someday

don’t want that part of you to die
cause that’s part of me too
and it’s keeping me together

if’s and maybe’s circulate
not wanting to be alone
but no one else will do

my deepest heart wishes for your freedom
and your peace however it comes
but I can’t seem to give up this hope
and maybe one day we’ll rest our bones together

for now my soul will hide its breaking
and I’m always on your side, no matter what that means
but still I hold this love, there’s no real distraction
cause its hopes are fadeless under any condition

and maybe I would look for you
in some secret place
but knowing we’d pay that price
each step you take in that direction
only raises the stakes
and we’d end up in the same old ways

you see, I’m not the kind to fit in your box
if you thought so, you read this all wrong
it’s more than a hope and desire inside
no silly girlish thing to get over
moving on doesn’t stick
and so I sit here and wonder
just what will you do about me