My Random Notes

my heart tells me so many things
and you need to jump and find yourself there
but her heart is at risk and you need to take care
don’t make yourself seem
like you have all she needs
just so you feel that you’ll do the right thing

those choices seem so permanent
and another life, so far away
will you try to keep on
even if it doesn’t work
no matter how much you’re feeling it hurt

maybe you couldn’t face that cut
but will becoming half a life
be worth this sacrifice

so keep going down this road
cause it’s the one you’re meant to travel
but if you find you’re not in your best
then don’t hesitate to wonder
if the choices we’ve made now
are only meant to last a while

here I hesitate to write
cause you haven’t seen my heart
and I don’t question what you know
or what you feel is right
just take time to consider
that I’m thinking about our best
cause perspectives can always change
once you have what you think you want

it’s not that I’m not letting go
there’s still some things that we don’t know
talking in circles will lead to nowhere

so I open my hands to give it all back
the time came for you to take first place
it’s scary and uncertain now
but all I know for sure
is you have my best
and you won’t let me fall

there’s more to this than we can express
but I can’t leave till I know for sure
whether or not I’ve passed the test

if we could see each others tears
would we make the same decisions
if we could see the road ahead
would it be the one we choose
the future is in our hands
but all the same we’re powerless

maybe we’ve more in common than we know
because distractions only grow this pain
and my dam breaks at the end of every day
hot rivers flow on icy sheets
as sadness leaks from lonely cheeks
and I wonder how it’s been for you

so I’ll lock my heart away
cause it only beats for you
let it wait for maybe someday

don’t want that part of you to die
cause that’s part of me too
and it’s keeping me together

if’s and maybe’s circulate
not wanting to be alone
but no one else will do

my deepest heart wishes for your freedom
and your peace however it comes
but I can’t seem to give up this hope
and maybe one day we’ll rest our bones together

my humbled heart doesn’t speak any threat
I see the line you walk, it looks so very thin
exposing your realities was never my job to do
and jumping head first may look different in your eyes

for now my soul will hide its breaking
and I’m always on your side, no matter what that means
but still I hold this love, there’s no real distraction
cause its hopes are fadeless under any condition

there’s no competition
no game to win or lose
but the battle’s just beginning
and it’s time to take your place
I speak as a woman
who knows a woman’s heart
what are the things you’ll fight for
and what will you count as lost
your deepest desires
now sit on the line
sometimes what we deserve
is so hard to find
wishing for the best
it’s hard to see the end
and keeping hope for you
means more than pain for me
we never know right now
just what the future holds
when reality sets in
will it be worth the cost
I’ve sacrificed my heart
and I hope it’s not in vain
cause my deepest desire
is to find it once again

what will you think
when he starts singing those songs
playing to me and drifting away
calling my name and searching for me
late nights when you still lie alone
I hide behind words, but I’ll say everything
cause you’ll only hear what you want
deep inside there’s an answer and wisdom to share
and you’re strong enough to pull it all out
there’s been pain for us all
so don’t make it all worse
by pretending those things can be fixed
we all want the best so don’t settle for less
than one who can give you the world
life is too short for duty-bound love
and a robot who’ll follow routine
there’s no easy fix
cause I still hold his heart
as much as I’ve let it all go

did you think time would quench that fire inside
I’m not just company that you have kept
now it’s fanned that flame
and it can’t be put out
these lonely hours only fuel and burn
my reserve is running thin
so I’m not safe to be around
and giving space will only last a short while

and maybe I would look for you
in some secret place
but knowing we’d pay that price
each step you take in that direction
only raises the stakes
and we’d end up in the same old ways

you see, I’m not the kind to fit in your box
if you thought so, you read this all wrong
it’s more than a hope and desire inside
no silly girlish thing to get over
moving on doesn’t stick
and so I sit here and wonder
just what will you do about me

if you’ve been hearing my voice
know there’s nothing I can say
I have no hold I can boast
nothing clenched in my hand
my pockets are empty
and I’m hiding no cards
there’s no game that I’m playing
no way to try so hard
I’ll strive at nothing
but living in peace
and I’ll pass away quietly
if you say that’s my place
the hopes and desires
I’ll bottle inside
you’ll never have to see
this pain I can’t hide
just don’t look in my direction
and don’t ask how I am
the days will keep rolling
so you can forget about me
I’ll tell you time will heal all

ghosts and memories haunt my dreams
you follow me in circles still
in sleep there’s no rest
my weary mind finds no end
it’s a track I can’t stop
and a fight I can’t win
maybe there’s a reason
hiding deep inside my tears
but draining them out
has yet to reveal
so you’ll follow me down
there’s no choice to make
and letting you go
means I’ll carry you here
as long as we have breath
hope beats on in my chest

If your tired eyes
could tell me one thing
did you miss out on that chance
swim in your sea of regret
hold on too tight
or let go too fast
wasting your years
and try to make it right
wishing you had the courage
to do what you see now
wake up when you’re old
if you had another life
do it all over again
if you had a gentle whisper
to show another way
if you told me all the answers
would I be so bold to follow